i just wrote and dis wht came out !

Am so broken inside.. OMG is all what I can say..

I’m sitting in ma room with old pictures and memories and am breathing so heavily it hurts.

I can feel da pain; it is so strong and am just shattered to thousand and thousand pieces.

I never wanted dis to happen; okay I wished for it bt I never wanted it to com true; oh am such a lair. Yea yea I wanted it to happen bt I never thought it would be like tht.. never thought da pain wont go, never thought I will never forget it. I wanna forget so badly.

I don’t wanna be anymore.

I’m so horrible so horrible.

am just one spoiled brat.

I wished for something and it came true bt I didn’t like da side effects.

Shit, life is a shit; it mocks you in da face.

I was so naïve so damn naïve.

I have to live nw.. and I want to be happy; I just don’t nw how.

I cant turn da clock back, I cant erase all da awful things I did and I cant move on.

how many years have passed?

Five, six years? Ma gad am in denial; I don’t even now da exact day!

Whats wrong with me?

I have been asking myself this question for so long! Why am not normal?

Bt again who defines normality?

Why cant I just start over?

I cant even change my look or my clothes like I want everything to be exactly da same it was before. I cant change.

I try to force myself bt I end up doing nothing; I don’t improve; I only get worse. Da only difference in my life I don’t have any rules anymore, the funny thing I always wanted that; bt it turned out to be my way to destruction.

Life is about rules; I get tht nw bt is it too late?

August, am waiting for tht month; it will determine my life.

Everything I do from 2day to august will hav a say on how i’ll continue my life.

It will determine if am gonna live or die.

So finally I have control on something which I didn’t have in da past and I guess its my time to discover me and accept me.

August, don’t let me down!

i will allow myself to believe in something for a change

i'll believe in hope,, i will live on hope ..