Meditating

Someone, I don’t know who said, “Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”I don’t accept my life; I don’t like it. I don’t do the things I like; I’m not the person I would like to be and still I don’t do anything to change my life; to make it the way I want it to be. I mean, yes I spend time thinking about what I want to change and how I’ll change it. I may even put a plan, execute it for couple of days and then I go back to my old self. “When there is will, there is hope” right? From where do you get that “will”? I want to change. I WANT TO CHANGE. So why do the hell I don’t?? I don’t get it.

If someone wants something really badly, he or she will do anything to get that thing; isn’t that the truth? But if that is the truth, then everyone will be what he or she wants to be and that’s defiantly not how things are in reality.

For me, I think and I think a lot. I carefully put a plan and decide to take the actions that will lead me to my goal and stop doing the things that will make it harder for me. But you know what happens? I do the opposite thing. When I decide on a plan, I put more effort in ruining it! When I am about to do something wrong, I know it’s wrong and my brain tries really hard to talk to me and tell me not to do it but I block my brain. Seriously; it’s like my brain is talking and I’m just blowing it off.

I’m 21 now and I don’t want to continue living like this. I know I have potentials but I’m standing in my way and I don’t know why I’m doing that? Am I afraid of the real life??

Oh please cut the psychological talk!

So what to do now??

Any ideas?