Breathings of My Heart

Meditating

2008-05-08T23:26:00.004+04:00

Someone, I don’t know who said, “Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”I don’t accept my life; I don’t like it. I don’t do the things I like; I’m not the person I would like to be and still I don’t do anything to change my life; to make it the way I want it to be. I mean, yes I spend time thinking about what I want to change and how I’ll change it. I may even put a plan, execute it for couple of days and then I go back to my old self. “When there is will, there is hope” right? From where do you get that “will”? I want to change. I WANT TO CHANGE. So why do the hell I don’t?? I don’t get it.

If someone wants something really badly, he or she will do anything to get that thing; isn’t that the truth? But if that is the truth, then everyone will be what he or she wants to be and that’s defiantly not how things are in reality.

For me, I think and I think a lot. I carefully put a plan and decide to take the actions that will lead me to my goal and stop doing the things that will make it harder for me. But you know what happens? I do the opposite thing. When I decide on a plan, I put more effort in ruining it! When I am about to do something wrong, I know it’s wrong and my brain tries really hard to talk to me and tell me not to do it but I block my brain. Seriously; it’s like my brain is talking and I’m just blowing it off.

I’m 21 now and I don’t want to continue living like this. I know I have potentials but I’m standing in my way and I don’t know why I’m doing that? Am I afraid of the real life??

Oh please cut the psychological talk!

So what to do now??

Any ideas?

My Mood Now

2008-03-31T18:44:00.003+04:00

Feeling Good About Myself

=^.^=

i just wrote and dis wht came out !

2008-03-25T17:57:00.002+04:00

Am so broken inside.. OMG is all what I can say..

I’m sitting in ma room with old pictures and memories and am breathing so heavily it hurts.

I can feel da pain; it is so strong and am just shattered to thousand and thousand pieces.

I never wanted dis to happen; okay I wished for it bt I never wanted it to com true; oh am such a lair. Yea yea I wanted it to happen bt I never thought it would be like tht.. never thought da pain wont go, never thought I will never forget it. I wanna forget so badly.

I don’t wanna be anymore.

I’m so horrible so horrible.

am just one spoiled brat.

I wished for something and it came true bt I didn’t like da side effects.

Shit, life is a shit; it mocks you in da face.

I was so naïve so damn naïve.

I have to live nw.. and I want to be happy; I just don’t nw how.

I cant turn da clock back, I cant erase all da awful things I did and I cant move on.

how many years have passed?

Five, six years? Ma gad am in denial; I don’t even now da exact day!

Whats wrong with me?

I have been asking myself this question for so long! Why am not normal?

Bt again who defines normality?

Why cant I just start over?

I cant even change my look or my clothes like I want everything to be exactly da same it was before. I cant change.

I try to force myself bt I end up doing nothing; I don’t improve; I only get worse. Da only difference in my life I don’t have any rules anymore, the funny thing I always wanted that; bt it turned out to be my way to destruction.

Life is about rules; I get tht nw bt is it too late?

August, am waiting for tht month; it will determine my life.

Everything I do from 2day to august will hav a say on how i’ll continue my life.

It will determine if am gonna live or die.

So finally I have control on something which I didn’t have in da past and I guess its my time to discover me and accept me.

August, don’t let me down!

i will allow myself to believe in something for a change

i'll believe in hope,, i will live on hope ..

{ Thoughts About ..

2008-03-20T13:28:00.000+04:00

How do you love someone?
In the movies and love stories, its love from first sight.
But I don’t believe in this kind of love.

How can you love someone with knowing who they are really?

How can we just depend on physical attraction?

I asked this question to my friends and they are all advocates of love from first sight.

A girl told me that Gad brings heart together without reasons; you just destined to love this particular person.

Well, I don’t know about that; I mean I would love to have my own say in this matter!
When you “love” someone from first sight, you tend to ignore every negative thing about them. Either you ignore it totally or you find good justifications. In the long run, when the fire goes or as we say "راحت السكرة و جاءت الفكرة", you will wonder why the hell I’m with this person? What made me love him? I’m such an idiot!
I think that true love comes from the love of minds.

When you love someone’s personality and ideology, that’s make love concrete.

Instead of just holding each other’s hands and look in the eyes until you are bored or find better eyes to daze in; you will talk, discuss, share and grow together.

For me personally, there are certain criteria other than good look that I can’t give up.

I know love is universal but I don’t think I can fall for a non-Arab and a non- Muslim.

There has to be a shared background that you can build on.

Arabs and Muslims have a totally different way of living and school of thoughts.

Especially for me, I believe Islam is not just a religion; it’s a way of living.

I don’t need any cultural shock in my love life, thank you very much.

Of course without passion even this mind love won’t work.

You have to be balanced, physical love + mind love= good love life =)
In the end,
“Who can give a law to lovers? Love is a greater law unto itself”
Ancius Boethius

Wanna Know Something About Me ?

2008-03-15T22:30:00.000+04:00

انا القمر اذا طل .. وانا الفجر اذا هل }

{ وانا الورد الي من شوفته ما ينمل

Not Only I'mBut I'm Also

U.N.I.Q.U.E

only one of its kind, without an equal or equivalent; unparalleled

...

[ wHats wRonG wiTh beiNg

2008-03-14T01:39:00.000+04:00

Being an ordinary girl seems to be a very difficult and unappreciated job these days.

I’m pushed all the time to be amazing, to be different, and to stand out.

I don’t understand why. What’s so wrong with being ordinary?

If all people are extra-ordinary wouldn’t that make them “ordinary”??